Monday is my REST day!!! lots of personal reflection inside :-)

Monday is my rest day, AKA day 7 for my P90X friends. My plan was to go to the gym and do some light weights and tan but it was really cold, and i got out of work really late with the start of a headache so i decided it was a better decision to come home and go to bed instead of pushing myself too far and making myself sick. While a laid in bed with an ice pack on my eyes waiting for the pounding to go away i really took some quiet time to reflect on the last 13 months of my life.
2010 was a very busy year for me. I had alot going on in my life, my kids grew a whole year older, we sold our first home and moved into our brand new built for us home, i made some huge changes in my work and started watching Grace which allowed me to be home all day with my kids and put my energy into my family and friends, and recently some people who i was very close with have shown their true colors and I've had to remove them from my life.
I've really struggled with the loss of some friendships that really meant alot to me, and i am still struggling with the void that has left in in my life but in a conversation i had yesterday with a close friend, she really helped me realize people that can not accept me for who i am, and how i put myself out there are not people who deserve to have my love and loyalty.
I am a handful and i am aware of this, as are the people around me that love me and i keep close in my life, both family and friends. I sometimes say the wrong thing at the wrong time, when i get really stressed or overwhelmed i lash out on the ones i love, or shut down all together and withdraw into my own mind and lose track of my actions. I am a very passionate person, and to some that comes across as competitive. I am not perfect and i know this.
But i am loyal. I love life and i love the people around me more than anything else. I will stand up for my family and friends every single time. I am always there for people when they need me regardless if they can see it or not. I am very straightforward and honest. I try my very best to not judge others who have a different lifestyle/relationship/financial situation than my own. You never have to guess with me i always present myself at face value and i am very honest. If something is bothering me i will tell you, if you're doing something that i thing you will regret later i will tell you, if you want the honest truth i will give it to you every single time. I will never say anything behind your back that i wouldn't say to your face. I would never ever do something to a friend or family member with the premeditated intentions to hurt them, no matter how upset i may get and if i do end up hurting someone i love it really does eat me up inside. I love my friends like i love my family and i will always always be there for them.
What i will not do is let people disrespect me, disregard my feelings, forgive actions that are set out to intentionally cause me hurt and pain, and generally walk all over me. If you can not accept me for who i am, the good AND the bad then i don't have room for you in my life. I'm getting too old to deal with people who can't be upfront an honest, people who talk about me behind my back, or people who think it's ok to do things with the premeditated intentions to hurt people they are close to. It just blows my mind how many people i have kept close to me that don't see the real me, who don't accept me for who i am and who can turn so quickly and stab me in the back and the heart all at the same time.
I do miss the people i have let go recently, i would by lying if i said otherwise, but those holes are being filled by the people around me that love me, and who accept me for who i am. And to those people i have to say Thank You! Thank you for accepting me for who i am, and for your unconditional support. It really does mean the world to me.

Day 6 kenpoX

Kenpo X is HARD!!!!! not so much because it's physical (because it is that too!) but because you have to keep everything balanced, while doing the correct movements and motions. Jeremy is my own personal cheerleader while I'm doing my exercises (mostly because he is starting tomorrow and wants to see what he is getting himself into) but i bet he was laughing on the inside watching me while i tried my best to not fall over or kick the TV!
I finally bought a new bathroom scale (thank you BJs for having them on sale this month!) and weighed myself. I am down 3lbs and i was fully dressed when i stepped on it. When i weighed myself 2 weeks ago it was at the hotel fitness center and i was only wearing my workout pants and a tank top, but with the difference of scales i'm still gonna say i am down 3lbs. I am well on my way to losing 20lbs by May. I will not let carmel corn or cupcakes slow me down, after a week of working hard I'm really starting to feel good and crave crappy food less and less. Don't get me wrong i still want to eat junk food and i will always love it, but i don't feel that NEED for it anymore. I use to NEED candy and sugar and carbs and other stuff that is just JUNK, but that strong gotta have it now or I'm gonna be miserable feeling is slowly leaking out of my body.
I really just can't wait to see the results of this program for me

day 5, one more day till rest!

Today is day 5 for me and the constant body aches are starting to go away. Thank goodness because i was not a happy camper earlier in the week. Today was legs &back, and ab ripper. I have to admit i only got 40 mins into legs and back before i had to stop. I have a bad knee and it was acting up the other day, and was starting to get sore from all the bending and squats so i thought it was best to call it done instead of pushing myself too far. That is really one of the things that i like about this program, he really reminds you to do YOUR best and to not push yourself too far. Set a goal and do your best! he says it over and over but not in an annoying way. I still need to do ab ripper but i need a few mins to take a rest before i get back into things. I've never done ab ripper before so i hope I'm not gonna be hurting tomorrow.
Tomorrow in Kenpo X, which i think is like kickboxing, which should be interesting to watch at a minimum. I am kinda looking forward to it though because I've dealt with alot of stuff this week, and have several people I'd like to kick right about now and this is as close and I'm gonna get. I'd like to leave everyone with a quote from my friend Shelly " My list of people who need cement shoes and swimming lessons is growing rapidly". Priceless!

Day 4

I finally made it through a whole workout!!! WAHOOOOOO!!!!! Lets rewind a second and talk about yesterday though. Yesterday i was suppose to do arms & shoulders and then ab ripper. After some difficulty getting the DVD to play (apparently i need a new DVD player) i was able to get the DVD to work on my bedroom TV. But my knee had been bothering me all night and i only got about 15mins into the workout before my whole leg was shaking and i just could not handle the pain of standing on it anymore so i stopped. So i give myself credit for at least attempting the workout.
Now lets talk about today's workout because i finally got through a whole DVD. It was cardio X and i got through all 50min of it. Go me! I of course was about ready to drop dead when it was over but i got through it! Maybe this will get easier after all!

day 3....feel the burn

Today is day 3. my whole body hurts. it hurts in places i didn't know could hurt. It hurts to sneeze even. This is the part about starting a workout routine that sucks and no one likes. Today is day 3 and i have to do arms and back, and ab ripper. I'm betting it will really hurt to sneeze tomorrow. Yesterday i did YogaX, it is an 1hr30min video and i again only got 40mins into it before my body just would not move anymore and boy was i hurting in places i didnt know could hurt. It did feel good for about 10mins to stretch out those sore muscles and get things moving again but then it got into some pretty complicated things that i just could not physically get my body into those positions as smoothly as the people on the video. I really wish they would put someone who sucks on that video so i wouldn't feel like such a loser. Seriously i know yoga isn't suppose to be "hard" exactly but it's sure not easy either!! The group on the video transitioned into those positions with suck ease and i literally could not do that. I had to stand up and put myself into each position instead of smoothly being able to go from one to another like your suppose to.
In the end it wasn't too bad but i have bad wrists and they just could not handle all that weight on them. I actually thought at one point i was gonna break myself it hurt soooo bad that i decided that i had reached the end of my pain tolerance and decided to stop. After all it's not gonna help me lose weight if i break myself the 2nd day in.

Day Two!

Today is day two. apparently i was suppose to do Yoga X yesterday, but since i cant read half the time i did the wrong DVD. SO i will do Yoga X today instead. That is after i find some Tylenol and some serious inner motivation because i am HURTING today! my legs, arms, stomach they all are very sore. Don't worry its not a broke, torn overdid it hurt, i just need to get use to this much exercise every single day. i should be better in a few weeks and I'm hoping that these workouts don't literally suck the life from me and make me feel physically ill.
Must find the energy to keep moving forward. I watched an episode of the MTV show I use to be fat yesterday and if those people can drop a whole person 3-4 months then i can drop 20-30lbs! Must stay focused.

my P90X Journey day ONE!!

So I've decided to Blog my P90X Journey to weight loss. For those of you who don't know anything about P90X it is an INSANE and INTENSE program designed for extreme weight loss, and an overall lifestyle change. It takes 90 days and I'm hoping to lose 20lobs. I will post before pictures and measurements tomorrow but here is a mini recap of day one.

I am doing the lean program, as it contains the most cardio which is important in burning fat. Day one for me is Core synergistics. it kicked my BUTT!!!! It's a 57 min workout and i only got 40 mins in before i literally could not get myself off the floor. I thought my heart and lungs were gonna burst out of my body and i think i sweat off a pound. it was INTENSE. It's going to take some serious motivation to do that to myself again tomorrow.